I woke up on the wrong foot today. My alarm clock didn't ring at 6:30, got up on my own at 7. Thought I saw 10am on the clock first, then jumped out of bed in alarm. Checked my cell, no alarm set, still can't figure that one out, since my alarm is always there.
Then I tried on my older blue dress which didn't fit beyond my bottom. Reminding me that only 3 years ago it was too large for me to wear. And adding further to my frustration with myself, with the world and with the menstrual bloating that irritates every cell out of me. So I came back to the conclusion that 'life sucks' and got even more frustrated that I can't come up with anything better than that (Life is such, it runs in circles.).
Then of course this led me to think about other frustrations I have with myself and life. Why don't I create anything meaningful? Why don't I leave my job and be an outcast, an artist? Why can't I scream in the crowd? Why do I even care about dresses that don't fit me? etc. etc.
Then I arrived at work, knowing today is another insignificant day in the life of a consultant like myself, I won't change the world today, certainly not my desktop. Then I fantasized about other job options, could I be a yoga teacher, could I open my own studio? Could I be a cubicle-decorator? Could I travel the world? Could I create art of any form and shape I want? Such anger, fire, spirit, attitude and craziness I have, doesn't that mean something? Wouldn't it take me somewhere? Then I imagined working at the same job forever, working, working, working and just working. I feel like drowning at those times...


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