Halloween! :)

It is a Tuesday, a lady in the office is wearing a big pink wig, it's halloween; doesn't mean much to me. I am more interested in existential questions, the mystery of life and the universe, and my upcoming massage session. I do yoga more, it helps. But most of the time life is still the old, stinky mess.
I look at people at the metro and try to symphatize. Sometimes it works, sometimes doesn't. I try to convince myself that everyone is loveable, that there should be no prejudice, no assumptions, no rudeness. I even come close to believing that there is a piece of good in everyone. And I try to look at them that way and smile, then I stop because I don't know what to do with it. I try to convince myself again, even thinking in fair terms is good enough, but the truth is it is nowhere near 'good-enough'. Everyone is suffering one way or another and there is really nothing much I can do about it. That's very depressing.
Everytime I do yoga, I set an intention and say 'let this practice be for the greatest good of every living thing in the universe, whatever the definition of 'living' might be.'. Then I hope it means something, I am not sure it does. Because in yoga you believe that if you decrease the suffering of the self, you'll help others do the same just by being around you. I wish it to be true but I have no proof. Just hanging on to a belief isn't good enough, giving money to charity isn't good enough, sitting in the living room and eating chips isn't good enough, nothing is good enough to make a difference, to make someone happier.
I am not sure where to go from here. I realize that I am contradicting myself because of course I believe in what I believe in, if I didn't I wouldn't be continuing to try. I hate cliche sentences like 'live the moment' or 'everything is fine', things you say over and over and they lose their meaning. Life is cruel but we humans are even more cruel to others and most of the time to ourselves. That's what I see day in and day out.


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