Leaves, wind and to do lists
I'm feeling free from my to do lists. How fun is that? :)
Yes, I still do have things to do. But I know I'll get to them in time, and the ones I don't get to will fall through the cracks accordingly, like good old natural selection.
And the ones I really want to get to, I will get to. Like reading a good, really good novel, hugging mumu, sorting and re-sorting my kitchen, buying the concert ticket I've been craving, feeling the crunch in my body for asana and listening to it with rolling out my mat, writing with no deadlines or assigned duties in mind, being with friends, enjoying huge and late breakfasts, dressing up just because I feel like it, writing just for the fun of it! :) Living, just for the fun of it!
Friends are saying that I look happier than ever. That's because I'm happier than ever! Mostly since I have the time and energy to notice my contentment in things and allow myself to get immersed in the flow called life. I am occasionally worried about not having regular paychecks in the bank or a growing retirement account, then my day starts, continues and evolves and I find it really hard to worry about meaningless stuff like that. It will sort itself out. It always does.
I have been coming up with genius ideas like doing the Julia Child thing, cooking out of my long forgotten dusty cookbooks. Or signing up to the community choir that I couldn't go to because of time. Suddenly there is time, space and possibilities in my life. How cool is that! :)
And the time I have allows me to be myself as I watch myself closer. In my moments of drifting into daydreams, or clenching my jaw in traffic, or getting jittery after eating a full bucket of popcorn, I'm learning to let myself be and let whatever emotion that comes up rise up, then dissolve into the moment. Letting things come and go. Not holding onto any particular thought, emotion or pattern. Learning to look at my life and just let it be.
I'm occasionally reminded of a line from one of my favorite movies (Serenity) "I am a leaf in the wind, watch how I soar!" :) I'd like to imagine saying that through my day as if it is perfectly normal to say something like that, or just utter it as I look at myself in the mirror in the morning and fix my hair. Yes, I can be a little crazy like that sometimes :) And it's all good.
Life mixes things up. Shows me my intentions, my pitfalls, my conditioning, my ego. It also shows me my sunny side. I have to admit (maybe it's my yoga high or the enormous and great food I've been eating the last couple days), these days I tend to see the sunny side more. Like my new sushi favorite in our fave local sushi place 'sunny sunshine' is on the rise :) Or maybe because I'm a little gentler on my dark unforgiving side. Mostly forgiving it.
It's a process never the less, starting with looking at my to do list differently, moving onto how I look at myself in the mirror (criticizing less, appreciating more), noticing how I eat (I'm still working on that one, managing my desires versus needs!), how I interact with people (when I flare up! or get silent), to anything and everything I do really.
Chrissy, my 200 hour yoga trainer, had a great quote from one of her teachers "the way you do anything is the way you do everything!". I want to keep an honesty in the things that I do. And I want to look at things differently these days, for a good, old, welcome change. :)